Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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