Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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