he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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