Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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