well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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