ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
