eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
