You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I am morally bankrupt
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
third nipple confirmed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
