I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's the barista slut.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
