I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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