Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
