Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
