there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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