Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
