xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
