Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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