Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
