One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
