i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
