dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
