booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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