You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize