Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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