the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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