Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
