I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize