Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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