I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
