Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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