I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize