I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
