THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
