I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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