in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
