dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
