i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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