Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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