Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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