He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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