but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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