was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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