A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
