Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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