yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
