Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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