My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
