I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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