My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
