I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
