i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
