Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
