yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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