youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize