Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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