I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
