Grow some girl-balls and come out already
operation have a gay friend backfired
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
