Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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