Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
then he tried to convert me to islam
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
