I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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