I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
