I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
