So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
