WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
