dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
