I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
