Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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