Can i not drive my cunt home
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
